Have people over

It'll be good for you

Wine, sandwiches, and pasty skin optional.

Yes, you. The person reading this. Have some people over. Finish reading this post first, of course, but then invite some friends to your place.

You don’t have to have them over right this second, of course. It is likely that most of your friends are busy. But use whatever device you’re reading this on to hit up some mates and have them over to your place.

Plan it for this evening. Or the weekend. Or sometime next week if that’s when you’re next available. It’s worth it, trust me.

I’m not accusing you of being antisocial. I’m sure you see other people all the time. You probably live with at least one other person, and you probably work with other people. You probably see other people at the grocery store and on the bus. But I still think you should invite some people over.

You don’t need to do anything fancy. Snacks are great, a meal is even better, but you don’t need to spend hours preparing. Have people bring stuff or order takeout if you’d like.

There are lots of things you could do with your friends once they’re over. You could play cards or watch a movie. You might do some kind of structured group activity, or you might just chill and talk about whatever for a couple of hours. There’s not really an incorrect way to have people over. Just do it.

Invite anyone you want. You probably have a few friends who live nearby, but you can bring anyone. Invite your new coworkers or your siblings. Invite someone you haven’t spoken to in a long time. Invite people you only know from Twitter.

Fair enough if you don’t have a living room or backyard or kitchenette to hang out in. But you should still invite your friends over. Go out for coffee, or go sit in the park, or go for a walk together. Take a drive to nowhere in particular; if you can’t afford the fuel then just pull up to a Walmart parking lot and sit there for a couple hours. For every excuse you care to name, I can come up with a counterpoint. You can figure out a way to have people over without it costing you so much as a dime.

You’ll notice that I’m not telling you to “hang out with your friends”. That’s unhelpful advice— I’m telling you to have people over. I would like you, specifically, to put in the legwork of your time and attention and organise something. Anyone can say “let’s hang out sometime!” but it requires more intentionality to say “come over to my place next Friday and let’s watch the game.”

It is unfortunate that our North American culture is so atomised that having people over is perceived to be an elaborate affair that requires a special occasion. Nothing could be further from the truth. What is true is that your relationships are valuable; the most valuable thing you will ever have. Your relationships are finite. You don’t know when someone is going to move away for work, or have a child and suddenly become unavailable, or hang himself one October evening without so much as a goodbye note.

But don’t let the temporary nature of connection paralyse you. Seize your relationships and cherish them as they are today. Remind your people how important they are to you; give them your care and attention. Create an environment for yourself that reminds you what it means to be human and what life is actually all about.

In my experience, having people over is the most efficient way to do so. I highly encourage you to try it.